Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. 183. 202. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. 184. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. Be careful when you follow the masses. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Lily Tomlin I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. Life always offers you a second chance. 8. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes. These affirmations are funny, humorous, witty and sarcastic for work, friends, family, mom, to boost your self-esteem, confidence and strength. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. 218. 172. 99. East 167. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. My mistakes dont define me. 71. 271. 4. Take a dose of encouragement from your positive affirmations whenever youre feeling down. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. There are endless opportunities. 250. Friday Affirmations. Not a peli-cant. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? Any text will do. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? 180. 82. Sincerely, the floor. Friends buy you food. I might go home today, but I will go bigger tomorrow. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. Hes dreaming too. 89. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Its time to be much more intentional about the words that we tell ourselves and take a step back from all of lifes noise. 233. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer. 81. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. 257. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. 23. 2. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. It gets toad away. Send me the link. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. I personally love watching masters of comedy captivate audiences with their dark humor and crafty punchlines. Declare your affirmations slowly and clearly. We may speak different languages, but we all laugh the same. 102. Maybe Monday doesn't like you either. 242. 184. Funny Friday Quotes. 158. Because they make up everything. Theres no stopping me now. Discover short videos related to funny affirmations on TikTok. My friends are like rocks, they help me through hard times. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. 25. 187. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. Bill Murray Bill Murray 68. It will just flow naturally. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. 93. 224. It has features that are distinctive and make me who I am. They have shown me exactly who I do not want to be., 15. The best things in life are free. 180. 9. 274. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. "Start each day with a positive thought and a grateful heart.". "May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short.". 265. Feel free to share with friends and family on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, WhatsApp, Twitter and more to motivate them every morning. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. 200. 145. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. 65. 19. I wonder why spiderman narrated it the other way round. - Roy T. Bennett. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? First, read the most powerful affirmations below to build a strong mind. And a funny bone., 10. I am calm, patient and at peace. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben, 4. Well, life isn't just about glitz and glamour nor rainbows and butterflies. Why is England the wettest country? If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. So, here's our compilation of funny work quotes that are perfect for every workplace: Image Source: Unsplash. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. 176. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr. 149. A backbone. Rather, the goal is to help kids recognize the truth, in situations and in themselves. 67. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Effective pushing often involves poop. Affirmations are an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and recognize that we have a treasure trove of power and creativity within us. Stuart Turner You can use affirmations to alleviate pressure in highly stressful scenarios, like taking an exam or going to a job interview. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. Expect nothing and appreciate everything. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. 66. 132. Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. "A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. 60. 26. 87. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. Franklin Jones 127. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go., 5. 3. Chris Rock I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full., 11. The older I get, the more I start ignoring my friends. I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. East. They make you change without hurting your self-esteem. I'm amusing and people enjoy talking to me. Bill Murray, 260. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. 224. 7. When they go away, its a brighter day. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. 94. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. I am lazy till I get a motive. 7. , we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. Theres no stopping me now. 237. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. Its scary when it disappears. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. 162. 116. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. You can only be young once. No, but April may. 51. It takes so little to change your life! 119. Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. 26. Bill Murray, 257. - F. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up., 14. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. I love my body. 98. A wishbone. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes., 2. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. Remember, no one can make you feel anything other than what YOU allow yourself. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. My chins are a stairway to heaven. 137. I understand success cant happen overnight. 32. 59. - Jeffrey Gitomer. 7. 139. What do you call a bear with no teeth? My son is now an entrepreneur. 5. 265. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. Its okay if people dont like me. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. 169. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. My mistakes dont define me. 46. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash., 9. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. 86. My mom scolds me for no reason. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? It just plain forms. A wishbone. 205. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. I tried, but they wanted cash. 9. Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Inbox. Im describing you. You were too lazy to read that number. 132. avoid carbs. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. 250. 43. 54. Whatever I do, I will do it for fun, but with dedication and focus. 190. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. 45. "I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. Choose words that make you feel confident about yourself. 151. Self-love is the greatest middle finger of all time., See also: 210 Killer Self Love Captions For Instagram To Lift You Up. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. 58. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. 152. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? He said, 'So does the guy I stole it from.'" 6. "Change is not a four letter word but often your reaction to it is!". 17. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. 278. 10. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. 200. Actually, you dont have to imagine. 172. I am my childs greatest comfort. I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. 3. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. Everyone recognizes how positive emotions can affect attitude and overall health. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. At night, I cant fall asleep. I am attractive just as I am. 227. 8. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? [click_to_tweet tweet=I can always think of something funny to say. quote=I can always think of something funny to say. theme=style4], 2023 Oldtown Publishing LLC 479 State Route 17 N Choose a job you love and youll never have to work a day in your lifebecause that field isnt hiring. Funny Positive Affirmations For Work. Flip Wilson Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. If you woke up feeling drained and blurry, these funny affirmations will boost your energy and get you ready to slay the day! Helen Giangregorio "I am becoming humorous day by day.". When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. 247. 181. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. 96. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. Swimming trunks. Love your enemies. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. I'm having a staff meeting.". I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. 207. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. 7. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. 79. 2. 1. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. Whatever the case may be, these 15 affirmations will make you feel confident in your sense of humor: Once youre feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. Here are some tips on how to make the most of using these humorous affirmations: Laughter and affirmations are already powerful separately, so imagine what they can do for you when combined. One of the most important aspects of affirmations is how authentic they feel to you. Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. 27. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. As I become responsible, I have got more powers. 4. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. 216. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if youre one of them (I bet you are), youre going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm. Top 10 Funny Affirmations For Self-Esteem, Funny Daily Affirmations To Boost Your Energy, Funny Positive Affirmations For Confidence, 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. We have a connection. Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win., 5. They planet. Positive music, resilience, inner strength and a growth mindset lead to success!. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! 83. Flip Wilson, 263. I release all shame about my body. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. "If you see me talking to myself. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. 147. Send me the link. "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. Sincerely, the floor. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. health is important. 135. For beginners who still struggle with letting their voice out, I recommend starting with funny affirmations that will relax you and make you laugh. George Burns ( @malacollective) Fear and adventure go hand-in-hand when you're following your dreams. The world is missing some pizzazz. It has the power to add levity to our daily challenges. 28. Affirmations can either be written down, spoken out loud, or visualized in the form of a conversation between money and you. 44. Find a short calm and peaceful moment in your day and use it for setting your mindset up for happiness. Your mind will naturally focus more on the positive things that happen that day rather than the negatives. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. 143. 97. George Burns, 253. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. Today, I choose to put on my positive pants. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. Milton Berle, 245. People who talk behind my back are getting a great view. 204. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. 91. As long as I have friends as weird as me, I have everything. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. 215. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. Why was six scared of seven? We frequently doubt ourselves. Nothing, they just waved. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? 12. I will be the type of person I would like my children to become.

According To This Passage Deserve Love And Thanks Brainly, Articles S